put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
