So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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