I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
