Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
