Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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