Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
