Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
