life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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