remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
