and you said cock pushups were impossible
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
