i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
