she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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