Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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