i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
