Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
