I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
