would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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