M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
