Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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