I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
