She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
