she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
