Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
