winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
