i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
