I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
