he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
