You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
