go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
