hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
