In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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