just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
