My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you had me at cake vodka
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
