we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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