I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
