Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
