she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
