There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
