she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Michael Bay diarrhea
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
