I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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