I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
