I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
