i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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