I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
jump out the window naked night went bad
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
