it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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