I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
