I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
