I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
