There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
