i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He better not be in your backpack
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
